Wave'em Around Like You Just Don't Care.

Working in an office setting can be very disheartening. You get the impression that you were made for something more in life, especially if you happen to have a Bachelor of Arts in music. Other than impressing my co-workers with the various harmonies of "Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Vocal Band, there are not many outlets for my musical talents. So when the choir director at my home church asked me if I would like to take a crack at conducting the church choir, I jumped at the opportunity.

Until college, I was primarily a pianist (stop snickering). I took many lessons and spent a lot of time pretending to practice. But college taught me that while piano playing can get you girls, you won't always have one handy. I'm reminded of the Far Side cartoon in which a group of cowboys are sitting around the fire and one says to the other, "Slim, why don't you take that thing out and play us a song". Of course his compatriot Slim has a grand piano sticking out of his back pocket. It became clear that more portable forms of music would be needed to woo the girls. Not that getting chicks was my only concern (be it my primary). I began to learn guitar and I began to learn how to sing.

It worked! One love song later, I scored me a wife! What was more unexpected was that I learned to actually love the singing. I had even involved myself in various singing ensembles such as college choir, a touring group known as Turning Point, church choirs, and I was even an alternate tenor for the Basement Four, an on-campus barbershop quartet. Not only did I learn the Tenor II part for the Simpsons' "Baby on Board" from my experiences, but I also learned how to conduct a group of singers. Yes, like Ringo Starr and George Carlin before me, I had become an able conductor. And I will pay you all money to ignore that "Shining Time Station" reference just now.



Though my various interships and concerts may have honed my hand-waving skills, nothing really prepared me for the "home game" aspects of choral conducting. You see, church choirs have a unique social structure: elders + way it's always been = good; new blood + different styles of music = BAD! I've heard many horror stories from young choir directors accepting new posts in old churches. It's not so much that they're hazing the nooB's as it is disrespecting them altogether. So as a potential "whipper-snapper", I was genuinely afraid of telling my church choir how to sing correctly.

But fear is the mindkiller, and choirs respect confidence, so I practiced conducting. Ever see anyone practice conducting? My plumber got a good look as he was replacing a rotted-out garbage disposal (that was messy). I stayed home to babysit him and took the opportunity to run through a Christmas Cantata (tata...he he he). I looked like a crazy person swatting at things unseen (and unheard) but at least I learned it. I now had the confidence to face my choir, though I may think twice about facing my plumber again.

Sunday came and I was serving double duties ::snicker:: as I was both the organist and the choir director. I would play a hymn, then run around and wave my arms at people. It was quite the circus. But I handled it like a pro, with the exception of forgetting to direct the choir to sit down. They stared at me for a little while until I got the hint. I felt like Wil Smith after ditching Stevie Wonder on stage after the "Wild Wild West" performance of the 1999 MTV movie awards. The following week, I did not make the same mistake. After two weeks of managing the music for my entire congregation, I felt that my music skills were finally put to good use.

Speaking of barbershop quartets, here is a video that has nothing to do with barbershop quartets.